I'm a movie lover from way back. Why is it though, I wonder, that when a movie comes on tv that I own, that I am still compelled to watch it right then? When realistically, I could watch it any time, uninterrupted?

But with The Wizard of Oz, all bets are off. It's my favorite.

"This is a day of independence, for all the munchkins, and their descendants...."

I sing along, because I know all the words.

oh, and happy birthday Jim.

I hope all is well in New Jersey. *hugs*

Don't you hate it when you are around someone who has so obviously chosen to just have a bad time? It really brings everyone down. And it's so much work to bring the mood back up. Even when I tried, it just took all of my effort and energy.

Gah.

and now it's fall, the elections are over and we are hurtling toward the holiday season.

I just hang on, hoping that the rest of the world will soon wake up to the fact that we don't NEED more STUFF. (maybe just Season 2 of Northern Exposure)

I will be gloriously away from my family and out of the country for Christmas. Can't recall the last Christmas vacation I had.

yay, fall. It's dark and gray and wet. All the time.

I am bound and determined to snap out of this, though. yep. I am.

It's official. I can fit into some of the clothes at Old Navy. Granted, they are the largest sized women's pants, but they fit! The tops are still small, but I believe that is becasue the clothes in that store are not made for women with curves, but ironing boards with heads.

It's going to be a struggle for me, being able to shop in normal sized clothing stores now. The plus sizes are easier, as I know I hover between a couple of sizes and can take those into the fitting room. One is too big, the other fits, I'm good to go. But now all the styles and lengths of pants, geez. I had to go in there 3 times!

Not complaining, but yes I guess I am. It's a jungle out there for one who doesn't LOVE shopping. I like a bargain as much as the next girl, but I sure as hell don't want to spend all afternoon finding one that fits!

drinking Constant Comment tea makes me want a cookie, or biscuit or something sweet, dammit.

i hate that.

i challenge myself when i go to the grocery store. living alone, in an apartment, i always try to carry ALL the bags into the house at once. i push the plastic handles up my arms so i can fit them ALL on my person. then, with milk and frozen veggies bumping against my legs, i prepare the key, pointing it at the door. but not before i go for the mailbox. why waste a trip.

when i do it ALL, i win!!


and today, i did it even with my gym bag in tow.

i love when i do that....

i am indeed a slacker.

summer is here, flowers are planted. some really "up" sides to apartment living are that i don't have to shovel snow, nor pay for parking. i don't have to fix my plumbing or my roof.

but what is really grating on me as of late is the whole coin operated laundry scenario. either down the stairs in that dingy dark room, or at the laundromat, i am really growing to hate having to schlep my laundry and make sure i have exact change. inevitably that one thing i want to wash is forgotten or misplaced. and now with the advent of 3-times a week YMCA visits, even MORE laundry! let's not get started on the sheets and towels.


on the flip side, i can now make it an entire 15 minutes on the elliptical, with even a bit of incline thrown in! and so far the weight is still coming off. slowly, but steadily. that's what i love to see!!

i now plan to go back to lolling on one of my plastic deck chairs for a while, basking in the sun. aaaaah, SUN!

i'm torn.

i feel a bit glum, but on the UP side my Love is coming for a visit starting tomrrow!!!

however, my best friend and her hubby have a family thing to do and cannot celebrate my birthday as we all did last year.

i understand the reason, but still i'm disappointed.


and i'll have to be sharing the bed for the next 10 nights!! it's still an adjustment.

60 years ago yesterday, my grandmother was driven to the hospital by her mother, so she could give birth to my mom. my grandfather was in the South Pacific, with the Navy, flying recon during WWII. he didn't even see the little girl for over a year.

it's amazing how much we can weather.

mom died 33 years later.

i miss her, so i called Grandma. told her i was thinking of her.

and she told me mom would be proud of me, getting healthy, losing weight, exercising, choosing life and joy, embracing all that i am and have.

i love you, mom. miss you, but also know that wherever you are, you are watching over me and guiding me as i find my way back. to the woman i am meant to be.

sometimes it seems like things just "happen TO us". like Yahoo decided that my password is invalid and i can't see my email or use my messenger. it sucks, but what can i do?


then sometimes no matter how hard we try to work well, or fast, things are just too busy for us to keep up. there are only so many hours in a day.

i used to get all stressed out at work. now, i simply do my best, and then go home. i can't possibly do more. and now things have slowed a bit, so we may get caught up. the trick is to not make more work for ourselves by cutting corners. and have a good attitude and sense of humor.

the only thing we can control, after all, is our reactions to what life throws at us.

oooh, and i'm up to 13.5 minutes on the ellipitcal...i ROCK!!!!!!!!

i think i'm feeling a bit better. my energy and appetite is back. and i'm not freezing and sweating at the same time!

now i just have to figure out if i have enough oomph to drive for an hour and have dinner with my family tomorrow.

oooof...

dang. i'm sick. i HATE being sick. it is such a waste of time. and i'm the kind of sick where i can't sleep well. stuffed up in the head. so i keep waking up. it's not even worth calling in to work. i'd just ramble around here doing dishes or laundry or some stupid thing.


*grumbles back to the couch with her tissues and down blankie*

and the worst part is, since i can't breathe well, i didn't go do my work out. it's the first one i've missed and i feel terrible.

wow. i had posted a cool retro pic that came with one of those quizzes. stupid thing never showed. i'm not computer literate enough to know what was wrong, so i just deleted it.

spring looks to have finally sprung. i did see a robin last weekend, so it must be official.

i don't know what is up with me but i find myself gravitating toward pink things. a new purse with my initial on it. a ring that was $6.(and it's heart-shaped....ack!!) pink used to be my favorite color as a kid, and all the way through high school people bought me pink things and i had a pink bedroom. somewhere around senior year i decided i didn't like it anymore and began a boycott of all things pink.

i think like foods and styles, things come and go from my frame of acceptability. and that's cool.

please, somebody stop me if i try to get pink shag carpeting, though. it'll give me nightmares!!

11 minutes on the elliptical. i ROCK. someday i'll get to the point where i DON'T look at the timer the entire time i'm on it.

and the Run Lola Run soundtrack is excellent treadmill/elliptical music. i may have a bunch of great workout tunes and not even realize it!

thin mint cookies are an excellent form of minty goodness...however...beware of "low carb" tortillas. strange texture.

i want a shamrock shake. it's been a rite of spring for me for years.

but in weight watcher land, a small (kid size) one is 12 points. almost half my intake for the day.

i just can't bring myself to justify that. especially with girl scout cookies coming in soon.

aaaah...more minty goodness....the thin mints....

*having food fantasy fixations*

i'll likely make do with a nice low fat version of soft shell tacos. i love them, but no longer eat them at restaruants. this way i control the contents. maybe sounds snobby, but for me, it's the only way i can have my taco and eat it, too.

but i still dream of minty goodness....

i would like to announce that tonight, i made it a whole 10 minutes on the elliptical.

*bows to standing ovation*

thank you....that is all....

guilty pleasure #612


Carmen + Dave


they are freaky and beautiful. and i can't stop watching. it's almost like a car wreck.

i did my first totally on my own work-out today. my actual meeting with the very young trainer kid was two days ago, so all i really did that day was a bit of each thing, and then back onto the treadmill for 20 minutes.

it was a feeling of accomplishment to go tonight right after work. and that elliptical thing kicks my butt!! i was supposed to go for 10 mins, and could only do about 7. yow! let's just say my heart rate went OVER the targeted range. but i'll do it, i'll get there.

it's "me time", only better!

yep, now i gotta suck up the fact that it took me so long to get my butt in gear!

i read something today about someone who didn't like to watch the Oscars because it didn't encourage art.

movies can be art, but not all movies are.

i enjoy all types of movies, but also watching the movie stars. when the lights go out in the theater, i still get goosebumps. i love the whole experience.

and i love the glitz and glamour and mutual-congratulatory nature of the Academy Awards.

so sue me.

i'm sadly remiss in my Oscar contender movie viewing. but i realized that there's not enough time now to see them all. should i just see LOTR i wonder? it may be the longest one, so more bang for my movie buck.

today was so nice and sunny, i decided a trip to botanical gardens and a walk out on the sculpture trail won over a movie.

i also signed up at the YMCA. have an appointment with a trainer on Tuesday. i'm really going to work at NOT being a couch potato anymore. but NOT kill myself in the process. *she said, hoping to convince herself as well as everyone else*

so, i ordered a Christmas gift at the end of November for a dear friend's husband.

guess what?? it arrived in the mail yesterday.

on the one hand i'm glad i got it, on the other hand what do i do, wait for his birthday?? i don't know anyone else that will love and adore Guinness pub towels more than he.

i would just like to thank the universe for hearing me.

Northern Exposure, season one, will be on DVD May 25.

*does the Chris in the Morning happy dance*



..thank you, that is all....
*hums...happy birthday to me....*

aaah actually a very nice Valentine's Day for the girl separated from the One she loves.

had lunch with my out of town sister, followed by a brief stint of shopping, or looking as we do mostly. or trying on but not buying, as we do a lot of. she is further along her weight loss journey than i. but that journey leaves one with needing to buy clothes that fit now but might not fit eventually. she's lost 75 pounds, and i'm stuck around 35. i just have to get my lazy bum on a treadmill. anyway, while it's good to lose the weight, the mind is not often prepared for the new attention one gets or the body that's ever morphing.

and then i rented some movies and made one of my Honey's favorite meals. shepherd's pie. it IS a weight watchers recipe, but it's good. and warm comfort food.

i failed to mention the Porter chocolate cake she and i celebrated VD with. a local brew pub puts beer in their desserts. go figure. it was good though.

and i watched "In The Cut" with Meg Ryan. a definite departure from her usual appearance or subject matter. i didn't like it at first, but it's been hanging with me a while. i guess it's "noir" like a dark detective story but with the preoccupation of love and passion thrown in. written and directed by women. but grittier than one would expect. dark in subject and appearance. how many women would get involved with a police detective they think is guilty of a brutal murder? is the inner pain that great and they just want it to end? do some of us have a death wish? i used to. was just never brave enough to follow through. or maybe i knew it would pass.

in any event, i've revised my first opinion of the film. i like it, but like spandex, it's not for everyone.

and it's encouraging to watch others do things outside of their typical comfort zone and area of known subject matter. helps me contemplate getting my bum to a gym. which i will be doing this week.

ah, the sun beckons. if nothing more than to sit near the window. it reminds me spring WILL come. someday.

what is it about giving blood? i have O negative blood. they give it to preemies. one in 23 people have my blood type, which is used in ERs to give to people without typing them.

today my favorite indie radio station sponsored the blood drive, so in conjunction with the windmill cookies and juice, i got a cd, an ice scraper, a forget-me-not seed biodegradable paper hangy thing (it can be planted to grow the seeds!), a carnation...entered a contest for dinner at a local fancy restaurant...they had free massages, but the line was too long and i couldn't wait.

but the best part is...i hit three gallons today! that's 24 pints of blood.

wow.

for the sake of St. Valentine, somebody help me!!

i think i knew it went too far when i found a CD for Him that i'd been looking for since before Christmas and didn't bat an eyelash when it was 18.99. now normally that price would send me running for the door, screaming into the parking lot. but this time, no, not really. i just smiled, glad to have found it, and plunked down the money.

luckily MOST of the crazy Valentine-y stuff i've found has come from the dollar store. including the musical card. that is to get Him back for the musical toilet paper roller He got me for Christmas. it DOES play "Love Me Tender" though. i think the card one-ups it though. it plays "Let Me Call You Sweetheart"..doesn't it make you want to gag?

i've turned into one of those people i used to despise. people who celebrate Valentine's Day with a gushy grin.

what's next, china patterns???

egads. is there a 12-step group for this?

*shudders and shakes her head while applying cupid decals to the windows*

spent the better part of the day dragging my "box of papers" out from under the bed (bad Feng Shui...finances and such) and organizing them into a filing cabinet. wooo boy. a lot more work than i thought it would be. or is it just my obsessive compulsive need to sort and label each file, checking and rechecking to make sure what's IN each file actually belongs there? at any rate i feel GOOD about it.

almost as good as buying new lingerie today...including 3 matching sets of bras and panties. for years i never knew the lovely little secret feeling a girl gets when she "matches"....a friend told me that, and i tried it and yes, i'd have to agree with her.

bring on the football pool!!! (i have friends who have a Superbowl party every year) i don't particularly like football, but it's fun to watch the same guys get drunk every year. heh.

have had a horrendous week of car issues and snow, enough to bury ALL the bodies until spring...


but all i can think of just now are things i love:

peanut butter
chocolate
coffee
venus razors
my new DVD player
my back scratcher
my glittery pens i bought at the dollar store
CD's...i bring them to work, listen in the bedroom...i love them! music to suit any mood!
cookbooks
my quilt i keep on the couch that my sister made me
hot soup on a cold day
icy lemonade and iced tea on a hot day
a good stretch
hugs
my mosquito net that hangs over my bed...*with* white lights
letters in my mailbox
perfume...but it has to be Calvin Klein
hearing my Honey's voice

woooo....that's all i can think of for now. i wanted to do it "stream of consciousness" and not drag it out or write and re-write it.

part of my pledge to live in the spirit of gratitude.

~smiling and thanking the universe~

ooohhh creepy.

just re-read my previous entry regarding "starter" for the bread, and realized one thing i had replaced on the car today was the starter...


*hearing the theme from The Twilight Zone in her head*

i HATE when something goes wrong with my car. the pit of my stomach drops out. today it was to the tune of about $500. eeeesh. and i thought when i got rid of the string of beater cars, these days would be behind me. alas, not.

*sighs* more sacrifices to the gods of plastic. there goes paying off those credit cards any time soon. but also good i have them.

and while i'm venting, it can go ahead and stop snowing any time now!!!

i just made a batch of "Amish Friendship Bread" that employs a starter i've had to baby for the past 9 days. a friend gave me the starter in a plastic bag. (thus, the name of the bread) it's very tasty, the bread, sweet and good with coffee. i'm going to take it to work and share the joy, along with some starter created from my own batch.

the question is...how does one create the starter?

or is all this still being passed on by the original starter?

a baking chain letter, i like it.

i hate it when the granules of ice melt or salt or whatever the heck it is get stuck in my shoe or boot treads. i track the junk inside, and before i get to the boot tray, it gets around on the carpet.

unfortunately, i have a penchant for going barefoot in the house, even in winter.

bad combination.

ouch!

will someone please explain why one of the best tv shows ever...Northern Exposure is NOT available on DVD?

but all that other trash is?

as far as i'm concerned, any day i look out and see i *don't* have to dig my car out of the snow, is a good day.

but also, today being Sunday, i don't have to go anywhere. so i've decided to challenge myself to make something out of things i have around the kitchen. i adore cooking and trying new recipes, which i've just spent time finding on the food network site. but now i'm going to challenge me to make something good and healthy and all that junk from stuff i have here.

so far it looks like turkey chili is in the lead. yay for a well stocked pantry and spice cupboard.

argh.

the hibernation time of year gets me every time. i feel sluggish and slow and would love nothing better than to sit for long hours in front of the tv and/or new dvd player and not move.

more than that though, i get a bit sad this time of year. is it the SAD thing? the lack of light? could be. or a holiday letdown. could be that as well.

in any event, today i am choosing to count all the good things i've got going in my life, all the strides i've made, growth and change. and even though i still *feel* not quite myself i know that it shall pass. and that i'll be left with the results of all my hard work. and surrounded by excellent friends, family and loved ones. it's like one of those inflatable rafts, it keep me afloat.

and soon i'll be smiling again, which is amazing, because there was a time in my life when i smiled very little.

*sigh*

i found the Paul Newman organic chocolate peanut butter cups...yum. especially the dark chocolate...had 'em once and was convinced i'd never see them again....mmmmm...

it's only 8 pm and i'm so sleepy...could have something to do with the fact that my Honey was here last week, and i took vacation time to be snowbound and housefrau. i loved every minute of it.

so now it's cold and quiet here. but i have a cool mosquito net thing over my bed now with little white twinkle lights in it and a wonderful new relaxation cd with ocean and steel drum sounds. think i'll pretend i'm on a beach someplace for a while.

but...it's such an accomplishment to do something finally that one has never done, something one has wanted to do, read and talked and thought about, wondering if one could do it....and now to know not only that one can do it, but do it remarkably well. such a great feeling. like a full belly, or my Honey's full belly....he does love those chocolate chip cookies, and the pork tenderloin....*smiles that wicked little knowing smile, and knowing he's smiling too....still thinking about it*