resolutions anyone?

no thanks...i'm trying to cut back. i never make them because i never keep them.

i do think of things about me i'd like to change, or improve upon, or try to do better...

but all i can think of now, is my choice tonight was to stay home alone so i can have a few drinks. it was either that or go out with a few friends and have none, as i don't drink and drive. i was torn. so many days and nights i've spent alone, so when i get invited someplace, i want to go.

*wonders when that Star Trek transporter will be delivered*

i do send good thoughts and wishes and hopes out to the universe for an excellent, peaceful, love-filled and happy new year to all. and acceptance, too. that is very important that everyone have that feeling. to be accepted for who you are, right now. it's incredible.

wooo hooo...i love Christmas, but yet at the same time i'm glad it's over. all the pressure is off (even though some gifts i've ordered have yet to arrive) and all the socializing and dress up and best behavior is over with for a while...

i did get some lovely gifts. and had some wonderful fits of laughter with my sisters. THAT is what it's all about for me. watching people open gifts, crack up at my sister "embracing her cleavage" and eating waaay too much chocolate.

i miss my Honey. and look forward to a visit with Him soon.

other than that, i got everything i wanted...and MORE.

except His gift has yet to arrive...yay for the post office!!

i am frustrated by human nature's desire to fill the quiet dark winter with noise, light and high levels of irritation.

i honestly feel a spiritual need to be quiet, solemn, meditative, ...to get "very small" and feel my place in the universe. but i think we as humans are so scared of being alone in that cold dark night, we fill the world with light and sound, just to hear it bang. so we don't "feel" so alone. even me, i turn on the TV when i'm home alone, and don't as much watch it as keep it on so it seems like someone else is with me. it keeps me company.

it's ironic that the time of year we all could use a little quiet, seems extra-full of noise and light.

can i even get quiet anymore in the city? i think i can. there are pockets of quiet about. true darkness may not be so easy to come by, but that scares me the most. when it's "Blair Witch" dark. eeeeeeep.

i look forward to the possibility next year of being able to celebrate a quiet holiday with my Honey. where He lives, it's not so busy.

then again, it may drive me mad!

last week i had to attend a "diversity awareness" class at work. it was mostly common sense, but everyone had to go, so there i was.

the only really interesting thing was we saw this video. not even the whole thing, just the part that the teacher had done her first lesson on discrimination in 1968. it was very compelling. and amazing how quickly the children believed their role of superior/inferior. reminded me a bit of "Lord of the Flies" and how NOT evolved we really are.


i might have to get the video and watch it, just to see if those kids had anything to say about how it changed them in their lives as they grew up, or as adults. really really excellent lesson.

today it's all about baking.

beer bread to go with jam i've made for christmas gifts. cookies (only the dough) we will bake and decorate tomorrow. and pumpkin muffins to use up some pumpkin i've got left over. it all sounds good.

i'll have the house warmed up and since it's so dang cold outside, it sounds wonderful.

and the tree lights on, too. yay.

and if that idiot out front would get out of the freakin' car and RING THE DOORBELL instead of honking the horn, the world would be a beautiful place :)

so, yes i did it. broke down and bought a fake Christmas tree. all these years out on my own, i've bought a real one. growing up, we always had a real one, except for the year my mom died.

but i always pick out a tree that will not stand up right, or fit into the stand, or it falls down, or the trunk is crooked....and then there's those darned needles!

i do admit, the thing doesn't look too bad. i miss the smell though. but this way i can leave it up as long as i want....(hmmm...St. Patrick's Day??)

still putting the lights on it, and the fake needles even fall off! humpf!!