Aaah, long time I see I've not posted. Sometimes when I have things to do and not wallow, I do them and am not on the computer so much.

I've been knitting a bit more. I went with my dad to his surgeon yesterday. He had the gastric bypass nearly a year ago. I think he's lost enough weight. He's kind of fixated on weighing a certain number. I don't think that's healthy. I told him he should exercise more. I have mental pictures from actual photographs of him in high school. He wrestled and played football and basketball. He had visible muscle tone. That image, in my mind, is of a healthy, fit, active person. I hope he can see that too and maybe do some more exercise.

Who am I to talk, but I do exercise more now than I ever did. I hate to admit it, but all that they say about it is true. It helps me not feel so depressed. I have more energy, I sleep better, I feel better, my clothes fit better. I know it's better for my heart and my bones. It certainly won't hurt any of us to exercise a bit more.

My beau is in town, and he surprised me with the most wonderful pot rack above my kitchen table. I know that may not seem like the greatest thing, but it is for me. And wow, does it free up more space in the cupboards! Plus my appliances that live in the "I don't use these as much" cupboard can move closer to the action! It's wonderful that he thinks of these things AND can install them. He fixed the broken shelf inside my refrigerator too. I can put the condiments in the door!! Why though, I must ask myself, do I have so many condiments? I need 4 kinds of mustard, I swear.

I look forward to the week ahead. Time away from work and away from home. Time with friends.

I wish my sister luck in her job pursuits, the other sister I wish all safe travels and the revelation that comes from traveling to a place far away, both from home and her regular life.

My heart continues to expand with the power of the love I give, and the more I have to give.

Spring, at last is here, and I feel renewed, refreshed and for the most part, at peace with everything.

I could say that I destest the blizzard-like conditions outside my office window. But I won't.

I look forward to spring. The apartment complex trimmed the trees back that crowded around my balcony for the past few years. Hopefully the added sun will produce better results than what I've been seeing the past few summers. It's been disappointing to say the least.

Perhaps Friday the 13th has come early. Our printers and faxes are acting all wonky here at work.

Part of me WANTS to do some spring cleaning, but when I get some time at home, I knit or watch DVD's. That part must not be as big at the "I want to sit on my fat ass" part.

Will see the cutest niece in the universe this weekend as a flower girl! There will be many photos taken I am sure, as well as her mom as bridesmaid. Yet another slew of well endowed girls in strapless dresses. FUN.

I am fortunate to have escaped that fate with my dresses. They do, however, still hang in my closet, and no, I haven't worn them since. Unless you count Halloween. Ooh, dead bridesmaid, anyone?

I'm still trying to ignore the snow, but it's the kind of thing everyone talks about as they stand staring out the window, as if they've never seen it. Somehow, like trying NOT to think about going to the bathroom, that only makes it worse!

So much for this exercise in futility.

Every time I start to feel great about myself, my understanding of life and my place in the universe, I'm reminded of a feeling I have yet to learn to deal with or a battle I've yet to win with myself. Not that I don't go on feeling pretty terrific, but I am always reminded that I am a work in progress.

Lately I find most of the more profound lessons come in the form of my two year old niece.

Talk about humbling.

She loves with abandon and without limit. She always has enough kisses and hugs for everyone in the room, whether it be 2 or 20. She gets excited over small things, and doesn't fret when the balloon blows away. "It blew away", she said, as if all along, the sky was meant to have it.

She gets tired and cranky but also will just laugh right out loud for no apparent reason.

She doesn't care what anyone thinks, announcing to a man as we passed by his table in a restaurant, "We are going to the potty." He laughed, and then I laughed.

She hugs and pays attention to nearly any relative who will play with her, not minding that the rest of us might not like that particular relative. She makes purple play-doh pizza with blue spaghetti on top. She tells people where she wants them to sit, asks what they are doing, invites them to take off their shoes and coats.

She sings. She dances. She giggles and squeals with excitement when her mommy lets her "drive" the car through the neighborhood. Never mind that she's only steering the wheel down the street to the house, and honking the horn. She wants to try on all her new clothes right now. She wants to climb the bookshelf to get the eggs hidden on the top shelf.

Every single thing is full of promise, joy and excitement. Every thing is an adventure. Every food is meant to be tasted, even if it means pulling fruit out of the dessert bowl.

I want to be just like Isabella when I grow up. And fall asleep at the end of the day, tuckered out, in my big girl bed.

Good things have been coming my way. Granted, they've been mixed in along some not so good, but for now I am focusing on the good.

Having my sisters and niece come for a last minute visit, complete with movies, pedicures, late night runs for french fries, trips to the museum, driving around with the windows down, sleeping with stuffed animals, playing with play-doh and barbies, drinking out of nearly every cup I have, going to two of my favorite restaurants, running around and giggling, helping us cook dinner and making sure I don't fall off the step stool.

I recently was able to travel to Canada to see my beau. Though airline travel is fraught with delay, I had a wonderful relaxing time there as well. This trip involved: not having to drive for 10 days, sleeping until I woke up, having a cat sleep on my feet, reading a book from start to finish, knitting, eating and drinking whatever I wanted, taking a bath in a sunken tub (built for two) with jets, learning to make pasta and sauce with my beau, drinking wine, eating fish and chips, eating all kinds of foods I don't normally eat, laughing, spending time just thinking and not worrying so much about what anyone thinks or how what I'm saying will come out.

Though this year so far has been a bit of a struggle for me, I'm doing my best to find how much I do have in my life. It's not an easy task, but when things make themselves known to me, I find it hard to stay in the darkness.

Come on, Spring!

I wanted to think of something moving and wonderful to say. I have attended two funerals so far this year. My best friend's dog died as well. I have been feeling sad but not depressed. Not much motivation to speak of, either. However, a trip has been plotted to visit the beau. It's fast, it's flying, and I'm going.

I don't mind flying, it's all that other airport/luggage/screening/taking off shoes stuff that I get frustrated at. And worry about missing planes, being late, all that stuff.

The thing I must keep in mind, though, is that my last trip there encompassed any one traveling cliche' I can think up. I've done it. I've dealt with waiting on the plane in line to take off, ice storm, snow storm, him not being there to meet me, having to find the bus to take and wait for it in the right place, finding food, going to the bathroom and down the escalator once it stopped with all of my luggage. The new upper body workout ought to be lugging two wheelie suitcases in a colder climate in winter. Happy Holidays.

I can make it through. I can get to that hotel and put on my gym shoes and work out. I miss him. I need some happy smiles right now.

I walked through the yard and garden section last weekend at the big giant box store, inhaling Miracle Grow. I can't wait for spring!!