Somehow, I am carrying on.   I don't know that I'm really living life to the fullest, but I am surviving.   Spending time with my family.  Doing things that make me smile and bring me joy.   There was a time when I thought this would be impossible.

There are still some movies I cannot watch.  Songs I cannot listen to.   Things are so tied up with a specific event or memory, I want to keep those where they are for now.   To watch a film alone would be that one more reminder of doing that alone.   One more reminder of the absence of those who knew me best.   I'm not ready for that yet.

But the good thing about that is, that it's okay.   

I do my best to remember, tell stories and celebrate.  To laugh, though I'm crying when I do.  

It's the new normal.  I'm not the same as I was.   I never will be.

and that is okay.