I'm appalled at what we've done to Valentine's Day. When did it become a way for us to make the men in our lives suffer? Why do they feel like nothing they buy or choose for us will do? Why do they feel anxiety at the flower shop, or feel propelled into the jewelry store? It's partially our fault, ladies. And I'm holding the advertising industry responsible as well.

How can we expect them to read our minds? How can they know we'd prefer that tasteful one stone diamond over the flashy smaller stones set in the shape of a heart? We can't, and we shouldn't.

I think we need to first, do away with any expectations of the day. I choose to look at it as a chance for me to share my feelings (which I do a lot of all year round) with those I love. My sisters, my friends, those people in my life that may not feel a lot of love every day, those girlfriends from college who got me through those long nights of talking. I think there is so little love in the world, it can't hurt to just send it out there, with no demands, no expectations.

I find more joy in that which I do than that which I wait to happen to me.

My boyfriend lives in another city. I went through my teen and college years, and then nearly twenty more years before I could actually use the words "my boyfriend". We agreed not to buy gifts for each other this year. Then a basket of expensive chocolates appeared at work for me. From him. My first response was "that stinker!" But he wanted to surprise me. He wanted to do it with no expectations of return. He did surprise me. I took a moment to step back and revel in that feeling. Women say flowers die. They say "oh, I shouldn't eat that candy, it will only make me fat." Nearly every woman I work with accepted a piece of that chocolate when I offered it. Another co-worker told me regretably that she told her husband once not to waste money on flowers. She never got them again.

Men do listen. They remember. We just have to speak plainly.

I just said..."oh, they are wonderful, I love them, and I love YOU".