I feel like I ought to be doing something more meaningful with my life. But now that I have attained the all-knowing, much anticipated, even dreaded age of 40, I find myself falling asleep on the couch most nights by 10:00 pm. Waking up at 4:00 am with the TV still on and my contacts in does NOT make me feel accomplished.

I have to adjust my life to coincide with my body betraying me.

Weight Watchers doesn't even work well for me now. I feel deceived. I have to adjust my balance of foods to achieve meager weight loss, and then feel grateful that they let me pay them every week. Bah. I've decided to buy a more accurate scale and try it all on my own.

I miss TV shows I used to tape because I'd want to watch them over and over again.

I spend time with my beau, who even after 5 years amazes me. We spent time in a local casino and had a blast wandering around playing slot machines on the same $20 for two hours. And we laughed and left before we lost our $100 lead.

I am afraid of signs at the casino parking lot that advise not to leave children unattended in the car, and that one can find child care inside. That tells me someone must have done this before.

I am not ready for the onslaught of holidays that approach. I am uncharacteristically NOT feeling into Halloween this year. I'm not sad or anything, just indifferent.

But an Elle Driver costume would ROCK. The nurse with the eye patch get-up. I'm just feeling too lazy to pursue it this year.

I miss board games and card night. I miss people living close and having more free time.

I do not miss my old couch that belonged to two others before me, and was staring to slowly sink into the floor. The new one took a whole lot of trouble to get into my apartment. And it's all comfy and supportive and tall.

So what I think I'm trying to tell myself here, is that I have a lot going on in my life. I need plenty of quiet time to myself, and that it's okay that I haven't saved the world yet. It's never too late. I may even figure out a way people in this town who live in apartments can recycle stuff.