I feel like I'm waking up slowly after a long time of sadness, hibernation and sleepiness.

It feels good but it's also a small bit scary. It's always a bit scary to me to step out of what I know, what is comfortable and into a new way of seeing the world, and thinking, and taking it in.

I WANT to wake up though, I don't want to stay in that sleepy mode. It's just hard. I am not a morning person, and likely never will be. I accept that, and just learn to work within the framework.

My loved ones who have passed away surely wouldn't want me to slug along in a gray foggy stupor. They are close to me, on my mind, but I must use their lives and passing as a reminder to seize life, make memories and have wonderful experiences. The only regrets I have are the chances I didn't take, the things I didn't do. I don't want to continue that path.

I feel as the women in "Enchanted April" did, like they've been born anew, and that they may burst out. With song, with art, with word, with joy? That is not as important as the burst.

Like Chris said on Northern Exposure: "It's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself."