I think I'm getting CSI'd out. I start to have dreams of death and crime and blood and lab tests. I fall asleep in front of the TV and I'm sure I start to dream about the sounds going on around me. I think the science is interesting, I used to love Quincy, but I think it's too much death. People can be really horrible to each other. I know this, and frankly I don't need that point driven home.

I've been watching Northern Exposure instead. I'll have to look in to getting some more TV shows on DVD. My sister got me hooked on Six Feet Under (more death, though), The West Wing (very well written) and NCIS (again with the death!) I'll peruse the local rental establishment or perhaps a website or two to see what's available.

Or maybe I should just turn off the TV.

There's a novel idea.

Ah, another holiday come and gone. Frankly, I'm relieved. I enjoy my loved ones, and I enjoy food, but the trouble here is TOO MUCH of everything. I must psych myself up to almost any social gathering, and then spend time after it decompressing. This past weekend will require at least two solid days of sleep. Yeah, good luck with that, sweetie.

The blessing was my niece. She reminded me to love with all of myself, to live in the moment, to play with my toys and try on all of my clothes. To give kisses. To say "Merry Christmas", and to laugh. Without her, we'd all be in mortal peril of losing any clue as to what the holiday really means. Thank goodness for her.

I also got some truly wonderful gifts from my beau. A mini Zen water garden for my desk, some relaxation CD's but best of all, a beautiful book called "Dreaming of Tuscany". I've been to Italy before, but this book shows where to go, what to do, how to eat, how to find a villa, recipes....And more importantly, reminds me to dream. I hadn't realized I'd put my dreams on the back burner until I started to look through that book. Thank You, my love.

Now, if I can work up enough energy to work out and work OFF all these calories, I may have a chance at turning the scales back down!!!

One of our superiors brought in a massage therapist this week and gave us all 15 minute "chair massages". I was skeptical. How much could that really help?

It helped a lot. She did a very good job at zeroing in on the spots where I get tense, and working my arms, shoulders and even a bit on my lower back.

I think we should have those every week. And so much LESS fattening than the gazillion pounds of chocolate, cookies and candy that we've been getting every freaking DAY!

Not that I don't appreciate it, but...well....I don't really, to tell the truth.

It's like Valentine's Day. We all ought to take the opportunity to tell our co-workers and those we work with at more of a distance how much we appreciate them all the time, not just at the holidays.

It's the same with family. Why should I spend my precious time with people I don't like and who don't really care if I'm there?

*looks around for her tickets to that remote island*

Darn.

As I like to say, there is the way things ought to be, and there is the way they really are. And for me, it really means I have to spend time with people I don't really agree with on many issues, because, well, they ARE the family who sustained me when I had none. They have some good points, but often those are hard to find. And they are loud, and crazy, and spend too much money. The true meaning of things tends to get lost in the wrapping paper and ribbon discarded on the living room floor.

I am grateful to be cared about, though.

Working on (in other words, faking) my Christmas spirit.

I wonder how we all got into the habit of sending each other cards? I suspect it was those crazy Victorian English folks who loved to write to each other. I also suspect it's mostly intended for those loved ones far away, but I still get cards from people across town. I then feel obligated to send them a card. I can't just do away with cards altogether, though, can I?

I was in the post office last week when one of the ladies who worked there divulged that she hadn't sent out cards for years. Isn't that some sort of "company rule"? I wondered. But then found it very amusing that she who has to be there, and can bring said cards with her doesn't even send them!

I do know some people who have simplified their holiday productions by eliminating them. I do love to write letters, and now with Grandma gone, I don't do it as much as I used to. I don't have many people left to write to, frankly, who want to hear all the goings on in my life. I miss that. I miss having pen pals and getting cards "just because". Maybe that's why I can't just NOT send holiday cards!

I did eliminate the glitter and many stickers though. In my own way, I'm simplifying.

Next year, it will be brown wrapping paper with raffia bows! Okay, maybe not that drastic, but I do feel the need to take things one step at a time. Ease myself into it.

I didn't actually need my refrigerator to STOP working to get me to clean it out. All that meat in the freezer, OY. I am choosing to operate under the mantra of "when in doubt, throw it out".

Now, to the grocery store!

Dear Christmas Tree Light Manufacturers,

Why do strands of lights bought years ago last so much longer than the ones I bought 1 or 2 years ago? And then why is there no conceivable way to repair them? I'm just supposed to fill up trash bags with them, dump them in a landfill and buy more?

Just Wondering,
Me

I am a movie snob, admittedly. I don't, however state that movies I don't like are all bad. I just state that there are some movies I do not like.

For example, I am not generally a fan of what most Americans consider comedies. I do love classic films with Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. I find Monty Python amusing.

So for the love of all that's in glorious black and white, would someone explain why "A Christmas Story" is considered entertaining? A classic, even? I'm not comprehending that. It's painful to watch, and like most films that identify as comedy, I'm waiting for it to get funny.

Ah well, I have many more classics here I can watch instead. I just don't understand people sometimes.

I saw a man today, walking down the sidewalk, on a side street toward downtown. He had a metal halo around his head, secured by long metal rods that ran from his head down to a brace around the base of his neck. I think the halo was bolted into his skull. He was smoking a cigarette and walking away from the hospital.

It reminded me that one year in high school, one of my classmates' car hit a tree, and he had to have something like that on his body for most of the year that followed. It seemed like something from a horror movie. I couldn't imagine living each day, trying to shower and sleep with that thing on. I didn't know him well, but I felt winces of pain when I saw him.

I felt that wince again today. I think it's just a human nature type reaction. I do it when I see anyone in visible pain, or I think may be in pain. Like when my 12 year old sister broke her leg on a Friday and had to wait until Monday to have the cast put on. It took two of us to get her to the bathroom. It hurt her so much, even with that velcro thing, that I wanted to cry every time she moved. Is it empathy? Is it just the ability to feel connected to people? Is it my own becoming more aware of my own body-mind connection?

Not sure, but I do know it's more than sitting at a stop sign, waiting for someone to walk past.

I wonder if there is any correlation between the number of television advertisements for diamonds and the television advertisements for anti-depressants?

And if so, are the meds for the women who won't be getting the diamonds, or the men who feel obligated to buy them?

Or for those of us inundated by the unreasonable expectations we may feel placed upon us by too many family obligations/competition for attention/parties, etc?

I for one, choose to eschew all of those things, and embrace the peace and light of the season.
I will miss my visit with my beau, but I will endeavor to see the joy and peace all around.
And bake, too.