I promise I'll try to talk about something else besides the movieness.

I am looking forward to spring this year. I love to plant flowerboxes and planters on my little deck. Usually it's flowers, but one year I did try some herbs. I haven't made up my mind yet for this year, but I do love the "wave" petunias. They sort of overflow the pot and tumble down. I tried tomatoes one year, but between the birds and squirrels, I never got any.

Sometimes I wish I had a house so I could have a proper garden. But then when winter comes, there's that whole shoveling snow thing.

Maybe I should start a victory garden...but where?

I have just watched the new version of "Pride and Prejudice". I really love the old one with Laurence Olivier. This new one with Kiera Knightley is wonderful, equally, not better nor worse than the other, I'd say. The cinematography is lovely. This one is dry where the other is more silly in places. It's more somber where the other is merry.

Now I'm off to watch "A Room with a View". Wow. I'm feeling the need for some tea and scones. But, alas, I have no scones.


We really need to use words like bewitched and incandescent more often!!


And what's NOT to love about coming home to movies in my mailbox waiting for me? I can't believe it took me so long to get on the bus.

Things of note:

When I am sitting down to enjoy some happy pink salmon with asparagus and couscous, hearing the phrase "the blood spatters came from human connective tissue", is a good indication to turn the channel BEFORE I start eating.

Sometimes "having a good attitude" at work means smiling while people slam way too much work on my desk, and being happy about it.

Having my raging PMS week fall during the busiest and week full of unreasonable expectations SUCKS. It makes it that much harder to "have a good attitude".

Godiva assorted dark chocolates are WONDERFUL. They do assist in the above "attitude" issues.

The older I get, the more I appreciate well fitting shoes. It's NOT ever going to be about how cute or cheap they are ever again.

I may have to blame a good, kind, sweet friend for getting me strung out on adding movies to my queue on Netflix. How did I go so long without it? Must have been the fact that Blockbuster hasn't has a copy of "Pride and Prejudice" available since it came out. Three copies?? What kind of bullsh*t is THAT? This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

It's a little bit sad to see Mother's Day ads when my mom and grandmother are both gone. I'm going to make it my goal to send as many cards to all the great moms in my life as I can think of.

that's all I got for now.

I may need professional help. I just signed up for Netflix after constantly being let down by the selection at my local video mega store.

I am dazzled by the selection. There may be almost too many to choose from. I'm in "the girl who goes to the movies alone" dorkiness stalkery kind of love.

This is the greatest thing ever!!

I am frustrated by those who tell me a movie about Flight 93 being overtaken by the passengers and crew is "a good idea, so we won't forget".

First of all, none of us were on that plane, so the best we can expect is a GOOD IDEA of what might have happened.

Second of all, who in this whole country COULD ever forget unless they really wanted to?

I had to turn off my television after the first three days of news coverage. I couldn't watch them replaying the towers falling over and over and over again anymore. I don't need images in my brain that won't ever leave, thank you very much.

I choose to remember things in my own ways, I suppose. I find those who tell my how I ought to remember or think of things to be very tiresome indeed.


In unrelated news, everyone needs to see "Mrs. Henderson Presents"...if only to see Judi Dench say the "F" word.

I went to a museum today to see a collection of Egyptian artifacts. It was amazing, the amount and variety of things they had. I was on one hand happy to see so many people there, but on the other hand had to resist the temptation to smack people on the back of the hand for touching things. There are signs everywhere that say "DO NOT TOUCH". I guess they think it only applies to someone else. And these weren't even the kids, but the adults!

I love watching folks taking the audio tours. They move like flocks of birds, turning in unison and walking toward the next item. I wait for them to move off so I can get a proper look at things.

It was a lovely way to spend my afternoon with my sister. That and the espresso milkshake.


Do they think I'll fall for the statement that the Olive Garden has a cooking school in Italy?

heh.

I know where to get some gelatto now, though.

On my way home from work I saw a gentleman in a tuxedo waiting at a bus stop along the street. If it wasn't a tuxedo, at least it was a dark suit with a white shirt and dark bow tie. I began making up stories about why he was in a tuxedo and taking the bus. Is he a maitre'd? Is he going to a wedding and doesn't want to drive/doesn't have a car/car in the shop? It occupied me for quite some time. I frequently spy people on the street or in cars and play this game.

Try it, it's fun!

I am puzzled at the assortment of messages from my television. On the one hand, I need to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet full of produce and whole grains. On the other hand, do I really NEED a meal that serves me 30 shrimp?


In a totally unrelated thought, I saw on my brother's blog that he was doing some work around the house, complete with photographic evidence. I zeroed in on the hole in the knee of his jeans. I had just channeled my grandmother.

She's not gone. Not really.

My brilliant idea is that I am like a boxer. I can fight a lot of the time unaided, but when the bell rings and I go to the corner, I am blessed to have many coaches who at one time or another whisper to me, "right cross, upper cut, jab! You can do it!"

And then I go back into the ring.

I know I can fight, but sometimes I just need to hear the words.

I drove home with my windows down and my purple sunglasses on, through a suburban area, people walking dogs and kids, mowing lawns and doing yard work. I had my unlabeled mix tape going with Nine Inch Nails followed by Tori Amos, my own personal joke. I smelled lighter fluid in the air.

Lovely.

I realize that when people say or do things, their intent is not to hurt or wound me. But there are times when I just take it that way, and on occasion, let them know it. It's not the best routine. I get wounded and strike back.

Today it got me sent to the naughty room at work.

I want to try to control that fire, or at least THINK about things before I say them. But it's hard.

It's on my list of things to work on.

I am, after all, a work in progress. But as I was reading on someone else's blog today, sometimes it just sucks to be a grown up.

Amen, sister.

Things I am proud of this weekend:

I put a stop to an inner struggle (but the struggle went on for a while)
I had a good time going out (I haven't gone out in a while)
I made myself a great dinner and relaxed (but wasn't sure what I wanted to do this weekend and couldn't make up my mind)

But I always see the glass half empty, too. No matter how much I seem to struggle with my moods, I can't help that the darkness creeps in.

I'm working on it.

You know some mornings you wake up and brush your teeth and it doesn't feel like enough? Enough brushing or toothpaste or time or what, I'm not sure.

I'm pretty sure it's because I was neither mixing nor pouring the Cosmopolitans.

I'm out of practice on my adult beverage consumption. I also weigh considerably less than I used to. I ought to pay attention and STOP at the point where I got up from my chair and noticed a bit of trouble walking steadily.

But what the heck, I wasn't driving!

It sure makes me feel like a little old lady this morning, though. I'm just trying to decide if it was worth it.

Maybe after coffee.

Oh Sweet Heavens....Where the Birds Sing Words and the Flowers Bloom...

Now I'll never get that song out of my head!

I do like that I'm also 60% Pirates of the Caribbean though, too.

*looks for her rum*

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A perfectly lovely person I work with is getting married. She's registered at 3 stores. She doesn't cook. She told me this. I have no problem with that, cooking isn't for everyone. I do have a hard time relating to it. I love to cook, and the more I learn about it, and the more I try to be healthy, the better I do.

I don't know what to buy her from these lists. I am confused. Why does she want a Kitchen-Aid Mixer (one of my top two kitchen possessions, the other being my Wusthof chef's knife). Why does she want a crock pot? Towels and sheets and bedding and vacuums I understand. Everyone needs those. Even people who don't clean need those.

I think back to pioneer times. Women worked very hard. People made things to give to young couples just starting out. Family heirlooms were saved in hope chests for just that occasion.

Now we make lists of gleaming cheap stuff that will likely wind up in a landfill.

Found a super marinade/sauce recipe, it said for tuna, but it's yummy on chicken. Soy sauce, honey, rice vinegar and sesame oil. I added soba noodles and veggies alongside.

My next trick is to get at those cookbooks I got for Christmas. Indian and Polish. Wheee!! There's no telling what I'll get up to. I even found key limes at my local grocery store. Pie....mmmm...pie.



And totally unrelated to that...what is it with these stations showing a movie and then immediately following, they show the same one again? UGH. Nothing like bad movies duplicated. It's like being in hell. I would imagine. I've never been there myself. My brother claims he was kicked out for selling ice cubes, maybe I should ask him.

I have been having one of those flashback weekends. Not the drug kind, but the kind that has me wondering "why did THAT seem like a good idea at the time?" What made me think a guy my psychopath friend set me up with would be a good thing? Bastard.

Oooooh, I have comments!! I forgot about that spot here to check them. Sorry, people.


In other news, what on earth made me ever think Ethan Hawke was hot? He talks a lot, and I'm sure what he says someone else wrote. Dude, take a shower and wash your hair!!
I hope that doesn't mean I'm getting old, only that my tastes are becoming more refined. Yeah, that's it.

I had a rare day for me. I didn't do anything. My beau pointed out that this is unusual for me on a weekend. I thought for a moment, and then I agreed with him. I am usually flitting off to grocery shop, visit a local attraction, rent a movie, do some laundry, cook, bake, write letters, or any combination of the above. I pride myself on getting things done, but also having time to read, watch movies, catch up on my email, all without leaving me feel like I haven't had a moment to myself.

But today I just felt tired. Tired in body, but not really in mind. I read, watched TV, vegetated on the couch. I saw that I should clean, vacuum, mop, or wash the window. I didn't do any one of those things though.

I think, when my love said it was okay for me to do that, I oddly felt less guilty about having spent the day like that. I wonder why that is. I think about it, and on some level I am always doing something. I have taken care of myself pretty much since I was 13. I didn't live on my own or anything, but I had to do my own laundry, chores, make my lunches, etc. I've lived on my own since college, and had to fend for myself. I'm not bragging nor complaining, just thinking as I type. I know if I don't do these things, nobody else will. I know that if I do them sooner rather than later, it will be easier to keep up with things.

There's always tomorrow. Is that why weekends have two days?

Pantyhose are a racket. Every time I put on a new pair or try a new brand, it never fails, I run or rip them.


Maybe I should just spray paint my legs.

I got carded at the grocery store, where among my purchases were two bottles of locally made blueberry wine. The cashier asked to see my ID, which I gladly produced.

She seemed surprised, wide-eyed, and said "you wear it well, dear."

Usually I get carded by the young, fresh meat cashiers. This was an older lady, a pro. The kind that can scan a belt full of stuff and bag it perfectly.

I now give myself a standing ovation.

*cheers and does the Arsenio Hall arm pump*

It fascinates me that people that appear to me to be what society accepts as attractive, can have a far lower self esteem or body image than I do. I who am considered obese, though I don't think I look it, and I've lost 50 pounds so far (more or less).

I have learned to accept my body the way it is right now, at this moment. I did that when I embarked on the weight loss journey. I like my shape and find myself attractive. I don't love everything about myself (back fat) of course, but I do find things to celebrate (lovely hair and muscular legs). I have learned though, that I need to feel comfortable in the skin I'm in NOW, and as I'm becoming. I find fluctuations in size and shape each day. I do cardio exercise and some nautilus for toning. I think every human body fluctuates.

People get so hung up on numbers; sizes and weights on a scale. What is with that? Don't they know that the world of numbers is out to get us? We find that we wear a multitude of sizes even in the same store. We weigh ourselves and find that number changes depending on the time of day and time of month. I, for one, am on to the numbers game, and I don't let it get to me. Though it was pointed out to me today that society is "shoving it in our face, weight and size ideals".

Only if we let it, I said.

Let me state for the record how stupid I think daylight savings time is.

Also, there's nothing on TV, but I fired up the yahoo radio thing. That's pretty sweet. Now I have to add Lords of Acid and some other great techno music on there.

I plan to make the effort to reduce my television consumption. I have it on all the time, but am not always watching. It's more to keep me company. I need to break that habit, get to a lot of those projects I've started or bought things for and never done. I need to listen to my music.

I have that spring feeling of having to change things around; rearrange the furniture, clear out the closets and dust under the bed.

Other smart purchase this week. "The Thing Called Love" on DVD.

I heart River Phoenix. Which then makes me think, and not to be morbid, if he were actually a Phoenix, I wonder then if Joachin's career would still be as strong as it is now?

Now, I don't mean to be mean, and "what if's" rarely are productive, but I can't help every once in a while slipping in one or two good ones.

I am not feeling particularly inspired today. Only irritated that people drive into my apartment complex to dump their garbage in the dumpsters.

I'm sure it happens all over, like cutting in line. But I don't have to like it, and it's not fair.

We have rain, which is good. It makes my knee hurt, which is bad.



On the bright side, I made oatmeal cookies with dried cherries and chocolate chips. Chocolate works. That and watching Hugh Jackman do the Wolverine thing. I was in fangirl heaven flipping between X2 and Gone in 60 Seconds. Something about those bad boys....Or is it the leather?

*sighs*