I really try to keep my life as drama-free as possible. Others around me don't, though.

I find that dealing with them, listening to them, trying to help and support them when they want it but NOT saying nor doing anything when they don't is exhausting.

Some people I know have drama thrust upon them whether or not they want it or mire themselves in decisions that bring it on. Some though, seem to thrive on it. They wallow in it like pigs in mud, covering themselves with the status and attention it brings them from the world. It seems like an addiction. They never get enough.

I wonder if they don't see themselves as I do, from outside the events. Do they consciously realize that each step they take, each choice they make brings them even more helpings of the same? Police reports, interventions, counseling, probation, broken homes, cheating mates, scared children, late night phone calls, panicked moments...

I don't think they see it. I think they say to themselves "my life is a mess, or it's hard or it's just supposed to be this way."
It makes my heart break because I'm talking about someone very close to me and I can't really help her. I can listen, hug, try to find reason in the maelstrom. She's going to do what she's going to do. And then I'll help put it back together. Again.

No matter how hard I try to shield myself from the undercurrent of emphasis on weight (or lack thereof), it still manifests itself.

Most of the time I'm happy with myself just the way I am at this moment. Most of the time I like me. I am, however, a work in progress. Not to be a certain weight, nor a certain size, but to be healthier.

It's just frustrating some days, most days. To be barraged. I turn off the television more and more, and listen to public radio. That helps. Most of the time.

It's like trying to prevent the sun from touching your skin, though.

This morning on my way to work, I was driving behind one of those lawn care company trucks. There is usually a pick-up truck with an open trailer bearing the tools of the trade. This one was different, though. It was an enclosed trailer, the kind that reminded me of a horse trailer.

Imagine a lawn care company arriving to cut your grass, trim the hedges, etc. Instead of mowers and edgers and weed whackers, out walks a herd of goats!!


Now that's environmentally friendly.

(yes, these are often random thoughts that drift in and out of my mind when I've not yet had my full draught of morning coffee)

I wonder how much of the day-to-day interactions most of us are involved in are reactionary, habitual, and how much is consciously trying to be heartfelt and thoughtful.

How many of us are going through the motions?


I, for one, today seem to be short of patience as I was yesterday, mostly with stupidity brought on by lack of communication. It's work related and it won't change. But if people's income rests on their performance, and their performance rests on support staff, doesn't it follow that....


Oh, never mind!

The conversations I had with my beau this past weekend ranged from the difference between knowledge and wisdom, to the difference between navy beans, pea beans and great northern beans.

Yes, we can talk about anything!


Gosh how I love that man.

*smiles like a besotted teenager*


PS. Lady in the Water is an amazing movie! I'm sure most of the general viewers won't get it, but they won't likely see it either, which is sad. I think it's the film so far that is the MOST of M. Night's own ideas, thoughts and dreams. I think it has been the one closest to his own heart.

I've often found that most films that pass for comedy these days are ones I simply don't find amusing.
I used to wonder, is that because I don't "get" the joke? Is it directed at a younger crowd? What am I missing?

I think I don't get the joke because I just have a higher expectation than fart jokes and making fun of someone, or laughing at someone else's expense. (I always identify with the person who is the butt of the joke).

I want my movies to entertain me, sure. But I also expect them to make me think, to struggle, to piece things together and form thoughts, and want to talk about them afterwards.

I know that's a lot to expect, but I think if we all had higher expectations, the movies they make would be better.

Wishful thinking, I suppose.


Now, that's not to say I don't enjoy a good Austin Powers or Monty Python and the Holy Grail moment every once in a while.

Ever notice when someone uses the word "but" in a sentence, you can pretty much ignore everything they said right before it?

I hate to bother you, but...
I really like you, but...
That's a nice sweater, but...
I know you're busy, but..


wouldn't life be so much simpler if people just said what they thought, or asked what they wanted to ask?
Many people don't appreciate directness, though. When they ask what you think, and you tell them what you think, that's not what they wanted to know. They wanted you to agree with them, or tell them their really stupid idea was a good one, or that guy wasn't going to cheat on them.

Life is too short for that crap. It's all a dance. Can't we just cut to the chase please?

I heard a story on the news this morning about a company that employs a "result oriented work environment".

In other words, workers aren't restricted by specific work hours or times or blocks of time they must devote to tasks. They don't need to ask permission to take off early or come in late or go hiking. All that matters is that the tasks be completed.

And the employer has reported not only a more efficient work force, but a happier one!

DUH.

I myself work by the task, not by the clock. I work one task from the beginning until the end, or at least until a logical stopping point. If that makes me late for lunch or late to leave, so be it.
The story noted that just because people are sitting at their desks doesn't mean they are working. Like me, now.

I think a situation that would reward good work completed right the first time with something other than more work would be one I would like to be in.

*sigh*

Back to work...Or at least looking like I am. I wonder how many people have to stretch what they do to make it fit the day? Or should I be asking for more work? I like to skate along just a bit, because often I have too much work. Days like this are rare.

*looks out the window at the blue sunny sky*

I bought some awesome Michigan blueberries a couple of weekends ago at the farmer's market and JUST only finished eating them. Super yummy and I love how the local stuff lasts longer. Duh, it doesn't have to travel so far to get TO me!

The grocery store had Michigan blueberries this past weekend for 99 cents a pint (I miss the cent symbol key that used to be on typewriters) and made 6 lovely jars of blueberry jam.

yummy! I may have to make MORE because I might not be able to resist them long enough to make them into Christmas presents.

I seem to be sticking to the berry varieties of jams because they only require mashing, not peeling. Peach jam does sound good, though.

Strawberry and jalapeno jam are staples, though.

Not much insightful I can think to say.


Ever notice how few people really go out of their way to do a small kindness? Like, Sunday I picked up a kid's sandal who had kicked it off while his cell-phone-engrossed mother pushed him around the store. It would have likely been lost, or by the time she noticed, she would have been halfway around the store, or out to the car. She barely indicated a thanks for that would have disturbed her conversation.

Won't make me stop doing things like that, though.

I think a lot of people want to do things, nice things, but either don't look around themselves enough to see the opportunity, or do them and don't really realize it. They just think "well, I did what anyone would do."

That's not necessarily true.

I have no motivation, no energy, no desire nor commitment to even watch a movie. I seem perfectly content to sit in the meat locker cooled room, covered by a blankie, changing channels from nothing to nothing.

It's not normal for me, and it frightens me a little.

Then again, this hasn't been a normal couple of weeks, and it's friggin' 90+ degrees outside.

The bathroom won't clean itself, however.

I'm still learning about the power of the mind-body connection. It's amazing to me that over a period of stressful time, how the muscles can actually clench onto stress, onto feelings and emotions, onto worry and fatigue. I can wake up aching all over and not really know why. Then when those feelings have release, or fear is relieved, how the body can make all sorts of signs of this.

I cry. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm overwhelmed, when I feel a danger or worry has passed, when someone is "out of the woods", when I just feel lighter, but limp. I feel weight lifted, but the toll it has taken on my carrying it as well.

I think it wasn't until I began to exercise regularly that I learned though I'm not an exercise lover, I do like how I feel after I do it. It is important, perhaps, to remember to incorporate it even when things are difficult, and I don't think I really want to do it. It would have made me feel better this past week. I really get out of my head when I work out, it's so methodical for me, and that is a comfort.

Like washing dishes. I can let my mind roam. Speaking of which, I have a sinkful now.

Been gone from computer land a while.

My boyfriend was in town, and we like to spend time together as much as possible because he doesn't live here.

My dad had major surgery. I had no idea how tired I would get from waiting.

I'm glad my niece was around though, to make the time pass faster with smiles.

I took my beau to see Willie Nelson, one of his very favorites. That was truly wonderful, sharing an experience like that.

So my vacation wasn't very "vacation-y" but it was great to be away from work, totally forgetting what I do.

Now, back to the grindstone.

Once I took a tour of the Kennedy Space Center. It was kind of boring because there weren't any launches or anything. Just buses taking us out to patches of dirt where rockets had been or would be launched. I do recall one of the burners being bigger around than I am tall. That gave me a tiny inkling to the vast scale of things, especially parts of the rocket that wind up being shed as it rises.

I've always liked science, even did pretty well in it at school until I got to college. I'm fascinated by the shuttle launches, by science programs, space, biology and general chemistry type stuff.

I'm a little sad because the shuttle hasn't taken off, but I realize the need for safety. I remember my freshman year Biology lab, they wheeled the TV into the room so we could watch. Freshman year of college and we all watched Challenger become a ball of fire.


I think the key is that we keep exploring. If those more powerful than us give up, what are we to take from that? Where will that leave us and our world, nation, ideas, technology and pioneer spirit?
I think it would be awesome if they launch on July 4. Not just patriotic, but life affirming in this time where it's getting harder and harder to see the patch of blue sky to shoot for.