It's baby fever around here where I work. Some of the women are new grandmothers. That's wonderful for them, and they are so excited, and that's great, but can we PLEASE talk about something else?

I know maybe I'm feeling left out of the conversation because I don't have labor stories, hospital stories, nor what I craved when I was pregnant stories. Frankly, I'm glad for those things, thank you very much.

And why, pray tell must people bring their offspring into the office? If I didn't have to be here, you can sure as sh*t bet I wouldn't be in here, even with a kid.

*mutters*

Things must be looking up for me. I look around my apartment and see what needs cleaning. I was too tired to do most of it last night, but I started picking up the big pieces.
I even made the bed this morning!

This morning, I notice the return, albeit tentatively, the return of my friend the sun.

yay.

It's going to be a long winter. Maybe I'll break down and get one of those light box things. They are expensive, though.


The world will be a bit less vivid with the passing of Ann Richards. I am, however, elated to hear she is the source of one of my favorite quotes, and I never knew it.
"Ginger Rogers does everything Fred Astaire does, only she does it backwards and in high heels."

so true. And I'll bet she had the blisters to prove it.

Is it just me, or does it seem like all these "news" shows are trying to make more "news" by talking about their own personnel changes?

Jeez, people leave jobs and take new ones every day for more money or opportunity. Get over yourselves.

Oh, and by the way, some celebrity offspring photo shoot is not "news" either. There was a day when this type of stuff was reserved for those entertainment magazine programs. Now it's bled over into the "news".

No wonder so few people really know anything much of what is going on in the world. One has to really seek out reliable sources of information.

I'm so not ready for winter. This past weekend was rainy, damp, gray and chilly. All the fun of a taste of winter in the not yet fall! Thanks!

My bones ached, my mood went south, my interest in things normal to me, my motivation, all gone.

Sitting on the couch watching Miami Ink seemed like a good idea.

I came to the conclusion then that I feel about tattoos the way I do about mini-skirts. They may look great on other people, and I admire them, but they aren't for me. Maybe I can't make that commitment. I just can't think of any symbol nor image that I want permanently inked under my skin.

I'm starting to feel better. Not happy, but better. It's a step.

And now at the Y I go to, they have little TV's installed in front of each treadmill. I wondered whey they had moved them all to face the wall. Now I can really dangle a carrot in front of myself by watching the Food Network as I walk. That makes me giggle.

Feeling somber today just thinking of lives that changed forever and how many of us who weren't even near New York or Washington D.C. or that field in Pennsylvania are forever changed as well.

And I wish they would stop saying stupid crap like "never forget". DUH. Some of us still can't get those pictures and images our of our heads, thank you very much.

ooh, trying to be respectful and it turns into a rant. Maybe it's true though that nothing will truly change unless we take some sort of action. In my experience, anger can often spur something like that on. As my brother's introduction to me of Rage Against the Machine told me....Anger is a gift. If I can get angry, I still have passion. I care about something. I am capable of strong feelings. All is not lost. It's just what I do with the gift that can be the hard part.

In my little world, I believe being mad is better than being sad. It signals to me that I am moving out of the darkness and dealing with my feelings. It's a wound healing. It's the bad stuff draining out.

Not everyone agrees with me though.

I grew up being ashamed of and hiding most of my feelings. Girls aren't supposed to get angry. Ah, but they do. I spent a whole year a while back just being angry. It took a lot of energy but I felt so much better when the anger was finally gone. I felt reborn. I felt like I was at the bottom of an empty barrel and I could climb out and fill it with good stuff.

Now I find myself moving to the anger and it feels good. It feels familiar. It feels like a process I know. I have guideposts and signs to point me the way.

I'm struggling to make someone else understand these things. I don't think I can explain it to someone who hasn't at least been in the darkness. I am very frustrated by this. I can only keep trying, chipping away and showing him my insides. I only hope it doesn't make me MORE angry. I love him, and I don't want to hurt him, and I know he really is trying to love and support me. I'm still not used to that.